Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Wedded Bliss

Long before the sun peeked over the horizon Friday morning my humans annoying alarm clock sounded the call to action. I groaned, as did my human and her mother. I tried to stay in bed but the humans wouldn't let me. They did however feed me at the wee hours of the morn and for some insane reason expected me to poop on command. Ya right, like that was gonna happen.

Then Rose stopped over to join in the early morning antics. A third crazy human in the house, could this day have gotten any stranger? Well it did. A spiffy blue van showed up and a man I didn't know jumped out to greet me. I barked. I'm cranky without my beauty sleep you know.

We all got in the blue van and headed for the air port. Strange but I'd been there before picking people up so no biggie. However unlike other trips we didn't stop and wait for some expected stranger. We kept going. Through lines and in to the security area, which I didn't like one bit. My human and I made this machine beep. We were dragged aside; my human was scanned and petted by the security lady. That was actually kind of nice I thought. Then I was petted which I did enjoy a bit but was still wary of the whole experience.

As if that was strange enough we then got on board a mode of transport I had never seen or experienced before. Always open for a new adventure my human had to restrain me a little from checking out every seat and isle in the new vehicle until she found the place she wanted to sit. She got in and called me in to join her. I had about 6 inches of space to maneuver in, she was nuts! A little tug on the leash and I realized that yes she was in fact totally nuts but I wasn't getting out of it either. Now I wish I had pooped at home.

I wiggled my back end in to the tiny space under the seat in front of my humans' seat. No seat for the doggie I see. How unfair is that. So I squished my body in to that space and settled in for the trip. Then the strangest thing happened. We weren't simply moving forward, we started going up and that's just not natural. I was a little unsettled by this and poked my head up to look for an escape route. My human and her mother grabbed my head and held me in place while saying nice things to me in an attempt to appease me. This is where doggie biscuits would have been better.

Once the vertical ascension was complete I settled back down and slept until the plane started to descend towards the ground once again and as before I was snatched before I could make my escape. I couldn't get off that plane fast enough once we started heading towards the door.

Once out of the aircraft and free from the airport I suddenly realized I wasn't in phoenix anymore. The ground was covered in a thick carpet of this stuff that seemed like our grass but it was soft, wet and spongy. It took me a few moments to learn to walk on this new substance.

Naturally the humans wanted me to potty before we entered the hotel but I was too busy sniffing this new and strange world to even think about peeing. So the humans gave up and we went inside. While my human and her mother were getting prepped for the next event of the evening I decided to break every rule I had been taught and jumped up on the bed, curled up with the pillows and fell fast asleep. It was heavenly. Then they woke me up.

We piled in to the rental car again and headed off to a church of all places. My human and I mostly watched as lots of other humans scrambled about putting tables and chairs up. Then my human handed me off to her uncle as she went up the stairs with her folks. Yes her dad was there too! This made her very happy.

I'm not sure what they did up there but as long as Uncle Jerry was petting me and walking me around I was cool with it. They all came back down quite awhile later totally soaked with sweat. Apparently there was no air conditioning up stairs.

The humans proceeded to eat and not share with me. They laughed and talked and did all the silly things that humans do. As night fell we once again got back in the car and returned to the hotel where I finally decided I should stop and pee before going in. The humans were a little too excited to see me pee. Humans are so strange.

People kept coming in an out of our room most of the night. Apparently there was much coordinating to do. Lots of texts and phone calls. We finally get to bed and it starts getting colder and colder in the room. Keep in mind the AC was turned off the moment my humans first checked in.

Breaking from her usual behavior my human invited me in to her bed and I curled up next to her keeping her warm. She kept getting closer and closer to me and slowly over the course of the few hours of sleep we got I found that I had been pushed from one side of the bed to the very edge of the other. Ok so now maybe I know how she felt when I'd try to push her out of her bed when I was a pup and still learning the no dogs in bed rule.

The humans woke, wolfed out a little food, as did I. They tried to get me to potty again and again I was too distracted to poo. Then we were off again. This time to another building where we met more family who had apparently flown in late last night, which explains all the phone calls. The humans are more and chatted and finally my human had pity on me and slipped a strip of bacon under the table for me.

Then we were back in the car again and darting back to the hotel. These humans just can't make up their minds where they want to be I swear. They changed clothes again. A few other humans appeared and worked on hair styles. I was even brushed a bit. Then I was given another chance to potty but I wasn't ready yet.

So back in the car we went and back to that church. This time I went upstairs with the humans and you know what, it was a bit hot up there. I was dressed in a snazzy bandana which was apparently made from the same material as my humans dress. I looked fabulous. My human was pretty spiffy too. I was once again handed off to Uncle Jerry who kept taking me outside. I must admit I was getting uncomfortable at this point and being away from my human didn't help either. I like to make sure she's ok at all times, unless I'm eating, then she's on her own.

On the way back to the church I couldn't hold it anymore and I relieved myself. It felt soooo good. Uncle Jerry seemed rather impressed with the pile and brought me inside to tell my human of my accomplishment. He then had to go back outside with potty bags to clean up my mess. It took several bags which he then proceeded to tell everyone about as if it were some mythic tale of heroism.

My human helped me to where I would be sitting with Uncle Jerry and handed over my leash. Music started and people took their positions. My human and her brother walked down the isle past me, I tried to follow but Jerry wouldn't let me. Other humans walked down the isles.

Music changed and the lady who I came to know as Caitlin walked down with a very proud looking older gentleman. She was so beautiful and looked so happy. People talked, people cried and people laughed. I wanted to go help but again Jerry restrained me. It was all very touching.

Then all the humans started to file out back up the isles. There was some gathering and chatting for a bit before I was reunited with my human and again rushed back to the car. Then back to the place where we had had breakfast that morning. Humans snacked on a patio area but it was hot. Finally we were all allowed indoors to a cooler, somewhat air conditioned room. My humans' brother and his lady love came in and danced. Then the parent folk danced. Then my human and her brother danced. Lots of dancing too place.

After another short meal the general populous of the room was invited to the dance floor. They sure could boogie. Still I was rather bored and my human knew it. So with a few carrots in her hands she walked me out to the dance floor and tried to get me to dance with her as we do at home. Too many people were watching and I wasn't comfortable so I did a few spins and got a carrot. Then I started enjoying the experience more and got down to shake my booty on the dance floor. People laughed and cheered, I got another carrot.

It was hard for me to settle down after all that but my human said I had to. As it got cooler outside the party gathered on the patio once more and again the humans ate. Finally it got dark and downright cold so we all left back to the hotel. The humans changed clothes; other humans stopped in and chatted until finally everyone decided that they'd better get some sleep. As before my human invited me to join her in bed but not wanting to be used like I was the previous night I tried to stay at the foot of the bed. See if she can push me out of bed from here. My human wasn't going to let me get away with that so again I served as her heating blanket.

The next morning came way too quickly and we all got up. I ate my breakfast and the humans dressed. I was allowed to go out to pee before we got back in the car and it was so cold out I wasted no time emptying my bladder.

Then back to the airport where we waited and waited. The humans had breakfast and we still waited. This time the security screening didn't bother me as much, nor did the plane, or even my cramped seating assignment. I was so tired I just didn't care about the up and down, or the turbulence during the landing.

I was just so glad to get home as we all were. My human crashed in her bed and I crashed in mine. We didn't really move much until Monday morning. Now my human is prepping for some other crazy adventure but I don't think I'll be allowed to join her this time.

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